But it doesn't feel very magical.
I've been down for a while now, fighting to keep my head above water. And all the sparkling and smiling and creating beautiful moments feels like more than I can handle.
Right now, the best I can do is show up.
It sometimes feels wrong to celebrate the birth of a baby who was destined to become a refugee while there are still refugees forgotten in camps and lost all over our world.
There is pain that comes from knowing that the man with "no place to lay his head" has his birth celebrated with extravagance rather than by trying to find safe places for for those experiencing homelessness in our communities.
It's overwhelming to think about people who say they follow the man who honored, respected and lifted the status of women everywhere he went praise a world leader who uses and abuses women and is proud of his exploits.
We spend the month celebrating a poor, middle eastern baby who would not be welcome in many of the churches in my community, because he is poor and a person of color and when he grew up, he did not follow the rules.
I feel so angry and so sad that people fight about "the reason for the season," but seem to understand or care very little of how revolutionary he really is.
I want to rage and cry and hide. I want to do something! I want to yell at someone! SO, I'll yell here into the void:
WE ARE MISSING IT! WE HAVE NOT REACHED THE PEAK! CHILDREN NEED MEDICAL CARE! HUNGRY PEOPLE NEED TO EAT! EVERYONE NEEDS A SAFE PLACE TO SLEEP! THERE IS ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US!
HAVING A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION DOES WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT NEGATE A PERSON'S HUMANITY!
WE ARE THE ANSWER TO OUT PRAYERS, SO START MOVING!
And yes, I know that things are getting better. We are doing better in so many areas.
There's just still so much in front of us.
I'm still showing up, though. I'm baking cookies and making memories, because this is the only childhood my children will have. But I feel the tinge of sadness that colors even our most joyous moments and I know it's okay. The sorrow I carry reminds me that there's work to do. It reminds me to keep fighting, keep loving, keep following the path that started with that tiny baby so long ago.
This advent, I am not just waiting, I'm working.
