Cohen- Part One

You know those moments in life where you begin to think "Hey, I've got this." Things are going well, life isn't easy, but manageable and joy isn't too hard to find if you just look round. That's where I found myself last February: Chris was done with Fire Academy and looking for a job, I was waiting tables evenings and weekends to make ends meet until he found a job, almost all of our meals were made from scratch, I had a daily, weekly, and monthly schedule for everything and (though I wouldn't have admitted it) I was generally feeling like super-mom.

That's when I found out I was pregnant (surprise!). I was pretty upset at first and really nervous about Chris' job situation. After the initial shock wore off I bucked up and thought "I can do this!" Super-mom reappeared for about a week... until morning sickness hit. It was worse than I had ever experienced! That coupled with a crazy-hormonal shift sent me into a tale-spin of depression and exhaustion. Luckily I never threw up on anyone (or their food) while I was waiting tables.

Mid-way through my second trimester my energy returned. Chris got hired by a good department in a not-too-far suburb. Things were going well. Something about this baby felt a little different, so I was just sure I'd be having a girl. I had both of my big boys at the hospital with a midwife we loved, but had always wanted a homebirth, so I made an appointment with the midwives who attended homebirths in our area. Anticipation mounted as I struggled back and forth about whether or not I wanted to know the gender at our ultrasound. Chris won out and we decided to find out. As soon as they got the picture on the screen we saw it: A clear dead on shot of our little baby's boy parts. I swallowed my disappointment and pride and began making plans for another rowdy boy.

Later that week I received a phone call from one of the midwives at the hospital. She told me that she wanted to discuss my ultrasound. I knew something must wrong, as I had never "discussed my ultrasound results" with either of the other boys. I sat down immediately, bracing myself for the worst.
"Your baby has BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH BLAH, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Each of those things can be an indicator of down syndrome on it's own, but with all three it doesn't look good." She encouraged me to get a blood test that would help narrow my odds and told me that it would be a good idea to get an amniocentesis if the odds were high.

I told Chris and we cried for hours. We mourned the loss of the "normal" baby we had expected. We cried for the years we thought we'd have alone together since we had had our children when we were young. We wept at the thought of burdening our other children after we were gone. But mostly, I think, we cried with guilt for feeling the way we did. We loved our baby and we wanted to accept him for whoever he was, but we both really hoped that he didn't really have it.

I did the blood test, hoping that it would erase all of the fear that had grown in my heart. The odds for a woman my age to have a baby with down syndrome are like 1:1100, so I was expecting my results to reflect that. They didn't, 1:40.

We cried some more.

The genetic counselor called. The results from the blood test combined with the results of the ultrasound put us at 1:13.

I laughed and cried at the same time when I hung up the phone. Somehow I knew that he had it, even though I didn't want to admit it.

I did a lot of research- part of me getting excited, realizing that an extra chromosome isn't the end of the world. Every time I heard of someone with Down Syndrome doing something wonderful I would fly. But every time I saw a list of the health concerns associated with Down Syndrome I would sink. My days were a mess. I put into words the real juxtaposition of emotion that I felt. The heart and breathing problems that are often present in newborns with Down Syndrome made me give up me dream of a homebirth in order to insure we were near a good NICU.

I decided against the amniocentesis, even though it would have given us a definitive answer to whether or not he had Down Syndrome- it had a miscarriage rate of about 1:100 and I didn't feel like playing the odds.

One of the things that was noted in the ultrasound was a possible problem with the kidneys, so we had to go for ultrasounds every 4-6 weeks. It was wonderful! Just when I'd be feeling most worried or fearful I'd get to go into a dark room and watch my precious one play, suck his thumb, and squiggle around. I was able to his growth from month to month and enjoy him for what he was: a baby.

So we waited...

More good news!

After last's week's great news that my man got hired on a wonderful fire department, I'm ready to share more good news! We're expecting another little boy in November. I am officially a boy mom now. That's still sinking in :)

There are so many reasons I can give for not finding the time to update my blog, the main one being exhaustion from working 6 nights a week and trying to love on my boys all day. But all that's about to change! In 3 weeks I will no longer be the one bringing home the bacon (more like bringing home the peanut butter!) My man just got hired on by a wonderful fire department in the area! So wonderful, in fact, that they'll be paying for him to go through paramedic school on his days off! It really is everything we've been hoping for!

That's all the excitement I can handle for tonight, more coming next week.

I guess it's our motto

It's amazing how a small, seemlingly simple moment can change your life.

Mr. Reliable was in Maia's office hanging out when one of the young missionary students came in and asked to borrow Maia's cooking stone. She quickly agreed, producing the aged and seasoned stone with a gentle reminder that it was valuable to her and to be careful with it. Mr. Reliable and Maia returned to their conversation as the student left the office. Moments later a crash was heard from the kitchen; Maia froze. Both of them knew what had happened: the cooking stone was gone. At that Maia, rather than curse and berate the girl, looked up at Mr. Reliable and said, "People are always more important than things." And then went to help pick up the pieces of her broken treasure and assure the sweet girl who had broken it that everything was okay.

That moment, years ago, has deeply impacted our family. It may not seem profound, but this statement has taken root in our very souls. It's the core of how we want to live and what we want to pass on to our children. People are valuable, far more valuable than a fancy vacation, a nicer car, or even a precious cooking stone. I guess it's our motto.

Boots

My older boy is turning 3 on Saturday!

I cannot believe that this precious baby is really a preschooler!

He just learned to sit up yesterday, didn't he?

At least he still sleeps with Shine Shine Bear!

He's not a baby anymore.

He's a smart, funny, energetic little boy!

And I love him even more than I did the day he was born.

Happy Birthday Boots!

Bringing Up Boys

I'm not really a big "Focus on the Family" fan. Someone gave me the FOTF Baby Book when my older boy was born and a lot of the things that are important to me (cloth diapers, natural birth, midwifery, breastfeeding, the list goes on...) were dismissed as old fashioned or even dangerous. So I haven't used them as any sort of resource since then. Until recently, that it.

I finally got around to picking up the copy of Bringing Up Boys that my Mother-in-Law gave us a couple years ago. To say that I was skeptical would be an understatement. I was pleasantly surprised by what I found: a mostly balanced view on how to teach boys to become good men. Most chapters included in depth research, which was rather important to me considering the rash conclusions drawn in the only other Focus on the Family book I had read. I really enjoyed the studies on the differences between boys and girls. The book looks at many of the challenges facing boys and their parents today and offers practical advice on how to avoid some of the most common pitfalls.

Just like any book, there were areas I don't particularly agree with, but all in all it was a good read!

And the more I read the more thankful I became for Mr. Reliable, who is a great man and an excellent father.

5 thoughts

1. I made the most wonderful protein bars this week (they came from Passionate Homemaking) ; everyone who has tried them adores them.
2. Now I just have to figure out how to cross things out without deleting them.
3. Mr. Reliable is plugging away at the academy; already 5 of the 30 cadets have dropped out. They spend most of the day outside, doing drills in their turnout gear (in 100+ temperatures). Most of the guys have quit because it's to hot and/or hard. Maybe they didn't think this whole firefighter thing through... because most people would assume that fighting fires is both hot and hard.
4. I have read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? At least 8 times this morning, and will probably read it again as soon as I finish this post.
5. I got a job! And I love it! I've started waiting tables on the weekends to help make ends meet while Mr. Reliable is in the academy. It's really fun to get out of the house and relate to other adults!

Have a happy Wednesday!